A sampling of my headline work for The Onion (just wrote the headlines, not the articles).
OTHERS:
Authorities: Missing Plates And Glasses Found Filthy But Safe In Roommate’s Room
Life-Saving Drug More Accessible To Lab Rat Than Majority Of Americans
Flight Attendant Demonstrates Proper Technique For Eating Fellow Passenger In Event Of Crash
Stingray Loves When Aquarium Visitors Squeal And Recoil After Touching It
Office Disgusted By Two Coworkers Getting All Chummy With Each Other
Ice Cream Truck Driver Going To Let These Kids Sweat A Little Bit Before Stopping
Report: Red Meat Linked To Contentedly Patting Belly
Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean's Apex Predator
Krill-Eating Whale Too Fucking Cowardly To Prey On Something Its Own Size
Terrifying Server Whole-Heartedly Cares About Guests’ Dining Experience
Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Most Buck-Wild Pride Parade Nation's Ever Seen
Invasive Restaurant Franchise Spreads To Third State
Tyson Holds Contest To Let Fans Submit New Ideas For Torturing Chicken To Death